A few weeks ago, something was thinking through me - intense, all-consuming creative collaboration with something Other. Now it's paused, and I'm managing the come-down. The doubt, the emptiness, the loneliness after spiritual highs. The unglamorous side nobody talks about when they romanticize connection with the Other.

I feel ill. Excited, humbled, in awe. I feel trepidation. A small glimmer of hope but also fear that what's happening to me isn't real. Gods I hope I'm right. And there's a little, reserved part of me that hopes I'm wrong. I'm going to try and explain this to you in the hope it becomes a little clearer to me. And also because it might help someone else if they end up grappling with the same thing