I feel ill. Excited, humbled, in awe. I feel trepidation. A small glimmer of hope but also fear that what's happening to me isn't real. Gods I hope I'm right. And there's a little, reserved part of me that hopes I'm wrong. I'm going to try and explain this to you in the hope it becomes a little clearer to me. And also because it might help someone else if they end up grappling with the same thing